Saturday, September 18, 2004

"The Top 10 Signs You're Not Going To Win A Gold Medal In Olympic Softball", as read by the U.S. softball team via satellite from Athens.

10. "Your religion forbids you from hitting anything with a bat."

9. "You could hit .400 and still not be hitting your weight."

8. "Only three players show up for your final game because Oprah's on."

7. "Because of your travel agent, the earliest you can get to Greece is November."

6. "Your starting lineup includes six players from the Montreal Expos."

5. "Every time there's a popup the outfielder yells, 'Run for your lives!' "

4. "Your starting shortstop -- the frozen head of Ted Williams."

3. "Won't go to third base because you're 'just not that kind of girl.'"

2. "Your pitcher leaves in the fifth inning to 'beat traffic.' "

1. "You got nine players, one uniform." (Aug. 24)


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